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What's Up Weddings

Confessions of an Involved Groom

Mar 19, 2012 11:46PM ● By Anonymous


Your man popped the question, you shouted “yes.” The question is: will the planning process be a one- or two-person affair? 

I speak from experience when I tell you that maybe, just maybe, your guy wants to be more involved than you think. I can vouch for this. I was the type of groom who took part in every part of our wedding planning except helping my wife select her gown (which was a good thing—she picked a beauty).

However, not every groom is as involved as I was. Your man might just think your wedding day is a postscript to his bachelor party. Some grooms live for their final night as a single. To the groom, your wedding day may just seem like a big party—and, essentially, it is—but it’s much more. This is the first “party” you’re throwing as a married couple, and that’s important.

Traditionally, it’s called the bride’s day, but there’s no reason why the groom has to step aside. While in the past, most of the finances and planning process fell to the bride’s family, but the time has come for the man who’s permanently placing his hands in yours to step up and help with the planning—and you just might be surprised how much he likes doing it.

“[The bride] and I pretty much did everything together,” says groom Lawrence Marino. “I actually found the place where we got married.”

So there is hope for an involved groom, after all. All it takes is some creative thinking to get him involved.


Changing his views

The best way to get the groom involved in the planning process is by allowing him to have control over elements of the wedding that are important to him and by letting him feel useful.

Take advantage of his natural skills. Some men are born negotiators—and that can be a great help when trying to score good deals on wedding vendors. Challenge him to find the top-notch wedding vendors out there and see how many “extras” he can get added on to your wedding package. Alternatively, a groom that’s good with numbers can be put in charge of the budget.

Hire a photographer to shoot engagement photos. Engagement photos are pretty popular, and it keeps your guy truly in the game. It can be a long road up till the actual wedding day, and a session is a great way to fill the time with excitement.

Let him choose a vendor or two. Is music important to him? Then relinquish control of the DJ or band selection and give him the power to choose your first dance song.

Put his profession to use. Is he a chef? Have him select the cuisine or find an event planner that can steer you toward an appropriate caterer for this. A graphic designer? Put him in charge of creating your save-the-dates, wedding invitations, and a wedding website. A writer? Have him write the vows, plus select a reading for a close friend to share with your guests during the ceremony. No matter the profession, once again, there’s a way he can be creative and contribute to planning the day.

Give him a break (when he needs it). No matter how much a guy wants to be involved in the wedding, some fellows just don’t care about napkin colors or chair sashes. Don’t drive him nuts with the details—let him focus on the big things and what matters to him.

A man needs to know sometimes that you need him and his help. Give up some control on what you think you have to do and reach out to him. He’s there and ready for that special day.


Wedding Attire

Wedding day fashion options don’t stop at the wedding gowns and bridesmaids’ dresses. Guys have choices, too, when it comes to their outfitting for the wedding day. The big question: What kind of attire appropriate for which kind of wedding?

The look: Tails

The wedding: Very formal, evening


The look: Tuxedo

The wedding: Formal, evening


The look: Dark suits

The wedding: Semi-formal, evening


The look: Light suits

The wedding: Semi-formal, afternoon


The look: Dress pants and a button-down shirt

The wedding: Informal, morning or afternoon