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What's Up Weddings

Some 13 Things I've Learned in 13 Months

Jul 26, 2012 10:42PM ● By Anonymous

My saving grace was that we’d had a four hour meeting with our (amazing) coordinator on Tuesday night. Yep, you read that right. Four hours. We actually met with our (amazing) band leader first, to go over that setup, and then walked through the venue—and every detail—with the coordinator after that. By the end of the night, I was so anxious I could barely breathe, but when I woke up the next morning I felt surprisingly peaceful. We’d given her everything. Every contract, every name, every email address. We’d covered every detail from linens to layout, and discussed timing to the minutes. I’m pretty sure that at this point we could do nothing else—just show up—and things would go off just fine. We wouldn’t have a ring pillow—or rings— but we’d get married, and I don’t think anyone else would know the difference. At this point, the big things are either ready, or in Angie’s hands, and the small things are on a fun little to do list that my mom, fiancé, and I are going to try to cover this weekend. I’m pretty excited. But it’s been a long road. Thirteen months so far, to be exact. So in honor of the 13-month mark, I’m bestowing upon you 13 things (out of probably hundreds) I’ve learned along the way. Buckle up.

1. Boys don’t see in shades. Even the most attentive of fiancés (and I’m pretty sure mine tops that list) can’t distinguish amethyst from lavender, so stop asking. Purple is purple. Blue is blue. But for Pete’s sake, pink is not the same as salmon. Ladies, to men, salmon is not a shade. It’s its own color, and it’s only a matter of time before science, and teachers, wise up and teach ROSY G. BIV instead of ROY.

2. No one cares as much as you do. Except maybe your mom. But probably not her either. Don’t get me wrong; she cares, but she doesn’t want you to get hung up on the details any more than your fiancé does. My mom and fiancé care a lot. But it’s funny how quickly they stop caring when I start crying. That’s how you know. They’ll both pick out fabric swatches and look at flower photos until the cows come home—if you’re lucky, they’ll do it with enthusiasm—but you’re the only one who thinks anything is worth getting upset about. So take that in stride. My advice: care, and care, and care, and plan, and plan, and plan, but when something doesn’t work the way you want it to in the planning process (can’t speak for on the wedding day yet), focus on something that did. Because as much as it pains me to say it, no one is going to miss the tiny details that didn’t work out because they were a logistical nightmare. Only if you’re lucky will they even notice the ones that did.

3. Wedding planning is not a time for tests. You already decided you love him enough to marry him. Don’t test him now. Especially not with wedding planning tricks. Story (I feel like I’ve written about this before, so stop me skip over if you’ve heard it): I was trying to decide between three (different) blue seersucker ties I’d found on Etsy.

Me: “Which of these three ties do you like the best?”
Fiance: [Two-second glance in my direction] “Um, the second one.”
Me: “Really? I like the first one.”
Fiance: “Then the first one.”
Me: “Mmmk. Let’s try this another way.” [Shows him a photo of tie 1:] “I like this one, I think it’s my favorite.”
Fiance: “Oh yea! Now that I look at it, that one’s the best.”
Me: [Pretends to switch to another photo, then shows him tie 1 again]: I hate this one, I don’t think the color is right at all, what do you think?”
Fiance: “You’re so right. That’s my least favorite.”
See lesson 1 again.

4. Someone is always going to complain. It’s not a big deal. Especially because for every one complaint, you’ll receive 1000 morsels of support and appreciation—those are where you focus your energy.

5. Be thankful. Say thank-you to every one of those 1,000 morsels of support. My guess is I’m going to remember the process probably more than the wedding day, if for no other reason than the fact that the planning (in my case) is approximately 420 times longer. (Yikes!) I feel like I’ve said, written, or thought the words “Thank you!” a million times, and I that is a really good indication that I am surrounded by wonderful people. And there’s nothing like that feeling to make you sure you’re the luckiest girl in the world.

6. Soak. That. In. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited to be a newlywed, but I can already tell you I am going to miss being a bride-to-be. As soon as you mention the word “wedding” or “bride” people light up. I guess everyone loves a love story. Even at the post office when I was mailing my invitations four people inside complimented the invitations/envelopes and offer their best wishes—one even asked for an invite. Awkward!—and two more congratulated me in the parking lot! So sweet!

7. Peaches are sticky.

8. People will surprise you—in a good way. I cannot say enough about our vendors. I am continuously astonished with their generosity with their time, their imagination, and their advice. Not to mention, their talent. We went to a makeup trial last night with a woman I’d met once at a bridal show. To be honest, I don’t remember meeting her. (That happens.) But I had her contact info and I gave her a shout. She works exclusively with Mary Kay, which is a product line I’m not that familiar with, and I’ll be honest—I wasn’t 100 percent sure how the trial was going to go. She was amazing. I could not imagine being more pleased with the way the look turned out. Totally floating on cloud nine all night, and loving every second of it. My sister and mom had their makeup done for the trial as well and we were all around so happy. I’d show you a photo, but…I don’t want to. You’ll have to wait and see! But I’m excited.

9. There’s always room for more glitter. I have no anecdote. Just sayin'.

10. Christian Louboutins aren’t the only wedding shoe. I am as girlie as they come, and I am rarely in shoes with smaller than a 3.5-inch heel. (My height of 5’10 does little to deter that.) I was certain that my first pair of Christian Louboutins would be blue, and rocked on my wedding day. Seems natural, does it? I’d even budgeted for it. And then I realized that my dress requires that I wear flat shoes. And I had to get creative. It’s going to be weird—walking around in flats on my wedding day. I am much more comfortable in heels. But I am pretty pumped about my new wedding shoes. Maybe another time, Christian.

11. It’s not nice—nor satisfying—to prematurely check your registry. It is so tempting to check that bad boy daily, but it’s just not as much fun. Getting unexpected packages in the mail = WAY more exciting.

12. It’s very hard to find an “outlet”—or a reward system—when planning a wedding. Surely I shouldn’t be promoting the fact that I often reward myself—or relieve anxiety—over a little retail therapy, fancy new cocktail, or a delicious donut. I get it. It’s a recipe for disaster and I’m sure all my healthy friends will remind me that there are more constructive ways to celebrate small victories or wallow in minor disasters. Go for a run, make a smoothie. Blah, blah, blah. I know. But I like whipping up sweet new cocktails, eating donuts, and shopping the bad day out of my psyche. But when you are watching your waistline and on a budget—which many brides to be are—you can’t do any of those things. And it is hard. I don’t have solution. Just something I’ve learned.

13. Pinterest is 50 percent a fabulous creative/inspirational tool and 50 percent a perpetual nightmare that makes you feel completely inadequate, overwhelmed, and anxious. Maybe 49/51. Probably 10/90. I don’t know, but I went through and cleaned out my ‘wedding ideas’ board today. There will be NOTHING on that board left unaccomplished when I look back on it after the honeymoon, whether that’s because I followed through with the idea, or I deleted it from the board. Nothing will taunt my lack of DIY skills. HA. Pinterest 1,572; Amy: 1.