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What's Up Weddings

Should I invite them? The Guest List

Feb 06, 2013 07:01PM ● Published by Anonymous

When old friends ask about plus-ones or we bump into acquaintances that are close enough to be our Facebook friends but we haven’t actually set eyes on them in eh, say 5 years, we squirm and wonder, do they get invited to the wedding too? Roger and I consider ourselves kind people but inevitably, our guest list has threatened to fall prey to the black hole of drama.  

Our wedding is meant to be a celebration and we want to enjoy it with a crowd. We’re social and we’re very close to family.  However, it all gets squidgy when we actually have to decide who stays and who goes.  Combined we have upwards of 60, 70 family members we want to invite. That number makes up half our venue’s guest capacity, and it’s where the going gets tough. Roger and I both played on multiple lacrosse teams so we had those groups to consider. I had nine roommates for my second half of college; my suite was basically a miniature sorority house. I love those girls.  Roger spent four years in Norfolk which resulted in numerous bromances—more than I can count. So he’s had to consider after two ships, a club lax team, a few roommates, and other close buds from the Academy, how many of his friends and their significant others he could invite. Then we have our childhood friends. In short, we’ve been very fortunate and deciding on the final list is by far the toughest decision. 

My purpose in mentioning the guest dilemma is to illustrate the emotional tolls new brides may be unprepared for. And when it comes to the emotions involved with inviting family and friends to join in and celebrate your special day, keep in mind that this is your decision.  This is your day.  You are not required to invite anyone you do not want to.  But hold on…!  I say this within reason.  It would be rather harsh not to extend an invitation to a close family member or friend.  But when it comes to those other characters in your life— the ones you very occasionally go out to grab a beer with or see only in group settings where you exchange but a few small words—evaluate the list. There are tasteful ways to tell your “peripheral” friends why you had to do what you had to. Most people will understand, and if they aren’t quite a friend, chances are you won’t even have the awkward conversation. Don’t get worked up about offending others.

Are any other brides out there struggling with this? I'm sure I'm not alone.

If you’re like me, you do not intend to hurt feelings and if your venue accommodated 500, then that guest list would be a ‘sky’s the limit’ sort of thing. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way. So instead, focus on what matters and let the chips fall where they may.  Good luck!

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